Trying (And Failing) As A Working Mommy

I contribute to our family income by working online. While I do have ebooks for sale and online courses, I focus my time on freelance writing, writing my own novel, and working with other people.

Last month though, we, or shall I say "I", was going through a flurry realizing how much debt I built up before I had children. I mean, when I turned 18 (and this was before that whole economy crash things and financing companies approved everyone) I maxed out every credit card that any major network or department store could give me. Seeing all that debt is super scary also considering the fact that we are trying to buy our own home very soon. I am more than positive my credit score is a negative -500990909.

Anywho, instead of putting my time into figuring out how to make money while still staying at home with the girls, I searched for a "real" job. I landed an awesome job, little work, modest hourly pay, and went to the store to find some work clothes to be an assistant to a sales manager selling newly built homes.

The one catch? Being gone all day from my children 30 hours a week. Which really does not seem like a lot, but I also had to work all day on Saturdays and Sundays. Every weekend.

Saying that I had separation anxiety from my children would be a huge understatement. Going from 24/7 with my kids, to a couple of hours a day drove me insane. I was angry and depressed.

Finally my husband just said, "Quit if you want to? Your always so angry at me anyway."

:)

This was the first time, and very short time, that I held an outside job since I've had both children. Sure I loved being able to get out of the house and talk to adults, but the fact that I knew all the fun things I could be doing with my kids: park, Chuck E Cheese, feeding ducks, laughing at books at the library, I started feeling depressed.

Plus our house was a different story. Clothes piled up, dirty floors, and I couldn't remember the last time I cooked a meal, for anyone.

I also know that it is different when you have kids who go to school during the day. I think working outside of the home wouldn't phase me as much if my kids were at school, but being now that they are only 4 and 1, I feel like this is the only time I have with them. When they do start school, they will be gone everyday, 8am - 3pm, Monday-Friday, for what could really be the rest of their lives.

with Addy, the youngest

This time in their lives is really all that we will have, and a once in a lifetime chance for a mother to teach their children those little things.

Luckily for me, my husband owns his own business and the more I can make it easier for him with the kids and the home (eliminating childcare costs, etc) the more he can work and make it so that I don't have to work outside of the home. Also luckily for me, he doesn't have to be gone all day everyday if I need him to be home, go to appointments, soccer games, etc. I'm thankful for his entrepreneur spirit.

Point is, working mothers are outstanding. I know that there is all this slack "work at home mothers and stay at home mothers work hard too, and yada yada yada" But when mothers have to work outside of the home, the mental stress and the weight put on your shoulders is tremendous. I have a new appreciation for all the mothers out there.

As for me, maybe I'll venture into the outside working world one day when our youngest goes to school, but for now, expect some new products from me from The Art of Social Media.

:)